I’m sitting against this frosty wall,
Hands are touching my heated head,
Hoping I get to see you live past 28,
It’s stressful, isn’t it?
We’re made to worry about every entitled bullshit in our lives,
put it on a pedal stool, why don’t you?
But will we ever learn our lesson?
The lesson to not give it the time of day
or the lonely dusk.
Will we repeat the cycle of life till we do?
Or will we die with it too?
I’ve had a fair share of broken hearts,
Breaking yours destroyed mine.
I studied your smile until it shattered.
I’ve observed the way your warm hand intertwined with mine.
The feeling,
We’ve sucked ourselves into our own illusions,
We couldn’t find better than this,
We couldn’t get enough.
Little did we know,
We were standing on black ice, not ready for its collapse.
innocent laughing, turned into tears of distress.
Words turned meaningless.
Conversations became altercations.
Making the surface we were standing on, unbearable.
We’ve became our own greatest enemy.
We were slowly sinking everyday.
Truth is, it was my fault.
Heedlessly, I stomped our way into a layer we could never get out from.
Or at least, you could never get out from.
Figuring myself out, I didn’t mean to be so selfish.
I pulled myself out of that cold-drenching mess and ran.
My human instincts took over me, I wont ever forgive myself.
I didn’t mean to abandon you, or leave you drowning in our despair.
But I had to save myself from the constant loop.
I’ll keep running,
And I won’t ever look back.
Because karma’s right behind me,
Ready to plot its dark vision on me.
I’m back,
For good this time.
Because I’m asking how life can switch up this mindset of mine, every few minutes.
My mind’s tangled.
Seeing as it can’t tell the difference between reality and a delusion.
I’m also asking how can’t I keep you?
When all the signs are pointing for us to be, what a deception.
My dreams are telling me that there is a different dimension!
I can escape every night,
But I always come back, since I have to tell you these stories.
But what do I do when the spark won’t stick?
When the inspiration won’t warm my bones anymore?
Do I quit?
Do I carry on as I feel my shoulders going brick?
I have no answers, just questions on the surface.
Was I ever supposed to make you contemplate?
To convince you that there’s more to your psyche than a dark hole, and random times of light,
It’s your luminous motive. Your drive.
Was I ever supposed to interrogate my mind’s eye and alter my beliefs?
I won’t ever know.
These questions I’ve demanded an answer for are already in the past.
It’s a new morning, I’ve restarted.
I’m back with new questions.
She left me in the dark, and took a long hiatus.
I did too.
There were no stories to tell, writings to read, and poetry that feeds off of your emotions
I felt shattered, lost in a sea of pathetic thoughts that didn’t serve me.
Because all I wanted was the voice.. the voice that’s in all your heads when you read the words in any piece I have ever written.
Something you’ve never came in contact before, huh?
That’s it.
I had to go inside and talk to her again.
I snatched some inspiration on my way out to write this,
It’s almost 3 am and I’m wondering how this evening is so luminous
The trees are giving out its dark shadows
The skies were the brightest gray I have ever seen.
I had to figure out if I was dreaming.
Turns out, I was fully awake.
Touch of bliss, I felt peace.
She was back, I felt it.. her in my soul.
It was a rush.
My thoughts were in color and creativity was flowing through my veins again.
For once, I was okay with the depths of my soul and the unknown.
I was okay with not finishing this piece because there will always be more.
She’ll come back, and I’ll indulge you with more of whatever this is.
I’ve grown a comfort with random.
I’ll be back.
I opened my eyes and I was in a different setting,
It’s a place where you don’t wanna look back, because it’s a cemetery full of overdue nightmares.
but you also don’t want to look forward as it feels like you’re on the edge of an unstable cliff.
You’re going 80 on the i95 with no authority of your controls because of your extreme narcolepsy.
Try not to think so much, as it causes rashes of anxiety.
It’s getting crowded here, claustrophobia my best rival!
This place is warped and tampered with
You can sense it instantly as numerous of worms crawl up your skin.
You can’t escape, it’ll make you look like a fool.
Talk to me and explain to me how your biggest dreams scare you,
Because my nightmares do.
So let me welcome you.
I was meant to be like this,
To fade away and come back in raging fire.
To sleep with my petrifying shadows and regret it the next morning.
To stay up all night screaming, “YOU CAN’T DO THIS!”
And accomplish the mission the very next day.
I was meant to live, eat, breathe, feel, and drown in my thoughts,
But learn that they were never my own to begin with.
To love a few beasts and be immersed in their tragic and unfortunate ways.
To wake up and expect something new,
But to crash and burn several times, repeatedly.
I was meant to go back to my favorite devil and let him devour my heart out once more.
To let the flame go out for several months and feel nothing.
I was meant to take advantage of a few angels, eat their hearts out as well,
To feel the gruesome wrath of my wrongful doings.
To let karma be my enemy for years on end and not knowing why.
To fall apart, find all the pieces, and put me back together.
I was intended to resurrect and determine,
That I was meant to strip naked with writing,
To feel foreplay with words,
To moan & scream in pleasure with rhymes,
To feel lethargic after every piece I have finished
To feel butterflies every time I scrutinized at another soul’s heart and inscribed blood through their work.
I was meant to be like this.
Free write?… for Turbulence by The Working Title.
Baby, cover me.
Cover me tonight,
Don’t go out on that flight
Wrap your arms around me, hold me tight.
I’ve been thinking too much lately
And I’ve been longing for you greatly
I don’t want to get out of bed unless you’re here.
Can’t you see? You mean everything in my world dear,
Can we lay under the stars?
As you tell me stories about the many lives that you’ve had so far
And tell me I’m fine, when my mind isn’t thinking right
I fell in love with your soul way too many times before
I just can’t seem to get away.
The light in you brightens my cluttered and dark room
You missed your flight.. I assume.
You drop your luggage on the floor and quickly say to me,
“Baby, cover me.”
I obey,
And I can’t seem to get away.
There’s a reason why I’m intimidated by my other sides
It has aided and abetted me countless of times
It sees through my lies, my cries, and even when I just want to hide
It can see the history of my enormities and hypocrisies
But always manages to discipline and get me back to my conformities.
The other side of me tends to be loud and proud without a mouth.
It despises when I’m being naive, it steps in, kills me off just so you can be deceived.
It lashes and bashes out on me when I don’t give it what it wants
She specializes in poisonous morphines
Man, you should’ve known that when you took a bite, and sampled me
She’ll lead you to the rabbit hole before you try and crack her code
There’s no point in getting out now
She pulls a gun to your head and straps you down
She won’t let you get away that easy though
Because it’s all part of her magnificent show
You scream to me for help, not knowing that I’m afraid of her as well.
Although you now know that I stand behind her,
you look back at the bruises, black eyes, and scars and realize that it wasn’t me that gave you those marks after all
You were disappointing her with your defiant facades.
Now your intimated by my multiple sides,
And I have no control like the permanent twitch that’s going on in your left eye.
Free write.
I was 7 years old when I first met her, officially. It’s hard to think that I was always so frightened by her. I used to say to myself, “I can’t be crazy, but then again, no one can see her except me.” Her bulging black eyes really put a freight down my spine back then.
Now I can’t even live without looking at ‘em.
I woke up from this raging nightmare, I was sweating, the drops burning my eyes!
I hear her breathing against the wooden floor boards, which sends my body into a frenzy. The sound of each breath relaxes the muscles in my body, and slows my rapid-beating heart, making me drift slowly back into my sleep. It’s comforting really, most people would think I’m bat-shit insane for keeping her so close to me. She will always be around until I’m dead. It may sound really fucking selfish of me, but I don’t care who comes around and who goes. I have many kinds of demons, but she’s one that I wouldn’t throw away like a crumbled paper in a trash can. No matter how possessive or demanding she can be. She will always be around, and I won’t die alone.
I get why he chased you,
but he had nothing better to do
with the constant curves of my waves,
He felt like he was drowning in his old ways
My heart knows how to shield itself now
But you’re constantly throwing yours on the ground.
You’re never going to learn if you keep treating yourself
to the mouth-watering wolves that keep chasing you down.
And here he goes again,
letting you know for the billionth time he isn’t worth the crimes
Or a belly full of lies
And you sacrificed your soul to make him feel whole.
I don’t miss the sleepless nights waiting for your texts to bring in the light.
I don’t miss the bickering fights where I would lose my temper
Making me do sick and twisted things I wish I didn’t remember.
You’re drinking yourself down at a local bar
Hoping to forget the consequences karma has offered you so far
You never see yourself at fault
you blame your victims for your distraught
I don’t miss the times where you made me feel empty
Like a rusty truck blinking for gasoline
But I woke up one day asking, “Why are you so fucking mean to me?”
As the thought of that question processed my mind
I knew that it was ME torturing MYSELF this whole time
And that’s when I knew I didn’t have love for myself
‘Cus I kept walking up to the mouth-watering wolves
The bites left me distorted
But I’m glad I came this far
No wolf ever comes my way anymore
Because when I became the ocean,
they’ve been frightened to drown in their hell-rotting emotions.
I love myself, and the treacherous waves I make.
It keeps me sane, as they scurry out of my way.
internalmindofvee 