I’m sorry

I’ve had a fair share of broken hearts,

Breaking yours destroyed mine.

I studied your smile until it shattered.

I’ve observed the way your warm hand intertwined with mine.

The feeling,

We’ve sucked ourselves into our own illusions,

We couldn’t find better than this,

We couldn’t get enough.

Little did we know,

We were standing on black ice, not ready for its collapse.

innocent laughing, turned into tears of distress.

Words turned meaningless.

Conversations became altercations.

Making the surface we were standing on, unbearable.

We’ve became our own greatest enemy.

We were slowly sinking everyday.

Truth is, it was my fault.

Heedlessly, I stomped our way into a layer we could never get out from.

Or at least, you could never get out from.

Figuring myself out, I didn’t mean to be so selfish.

I pulled myself out of that cold-drenching mess and ran.

My human instincts took over me, I wont ever forgive myself.

I didn’t mean to abandon you, or leave you drowning in our despair.

But I had to save myself from the constant loop.

I’ll keep running,

And I won’t ever look back.

Because karma’s right behind me,

Ready to plot its dark vision on me.

Inner Monologues pt. 1

I’m back,

For good this time.

Because I’m asking how life can switch up this mindset of mine, every few minutes.

My mind’s tangled.

Seeing as it can’t tell the difference between reality and a delusion.

I’m also asking how can’t I keep you?

When all the signs are pointing for us to be, what a deception.

My dreams are telling me that there is a different dimension!

I can escape every night,

But I always come back, since I have to tell you these stories.

But what do I do when the spark won’t stick?

When the inspiration won’t warm my bones anymore?

Do I quit?

Do I carry on as I feel my shoulders going brick?

I have no answers, just questions on the surface.

Was I ever supposed to make you contemplate?

To convince you that there’s more to your psyche than a dark hole, and random times of light,

It’s your luminous motive. Your drive.

Was I ever supposed to interrogate my mind’s eye and alter my beliefs?

I won’t ever know.

These questions I’ve demanded an answer for are already in the past.

It’s a new morning, I’ve restarted.

I’m back with new questions.

Random revelation.

She left me in the dark, and took a long hiatus.

I did too.

There were no stories to tell, writings to read, and poetry that feeds off of your emotions

I felt shattered, lost in a sea of pathetic thoughts that didn’t serve me.

Because all I wanted was the voice.. the voice that’s in all your heads when you read the words in any piece I have ever written.

Something you’ve never came in contact before, huh?

That’s it.

I had to go inside and talk to her again.

I snatched some inspiration on my way out to write this,

It’s almost 3 am and I’m wondering how this evening is so luminous

The trees are giving out its dark shadows

The skies were the brightest gray I have ever seen.

I had to figure out if I was dreaming.

Turns out, I was fully awake.

Touch of bliss, I felt peace.

She was back, I felt it.. her in my soul.

It was a rush.

My thoughts were in color and creativity was flowing through my veins again.

For once, I was okay with the depths of my soul and the unknown.

I was okay with not finishing this piece because there will always be more.

She’ll come back, and I’ll indulge you with more of whatever this is.

I’ve grown a comfort with random.

I’ll be back.

Welcome,

I opened my eyes and I was in a different setting,

It’s a place where you don’t wanna look back, because it’s a cemetery full of overdue nightmares.

but you also don’t want to look forward as it feels like you’re on the edge of an unstable cliff.

You’re going 80 on the i95 with no authority of your controls because of your extreme narcolepsy.

Try not to think so much, as it causes rashes of anxiety.

It’s getting crowded here, claustrophobia my best rival!

This place is warped and tampered with

You can sense it instantly as numerous of worms crawl up your skin.

You can’t escape, it’ll make you look like a fool.

Talk to me and explain to me how your biggest dreams scare you,

Because my nightmares do.

So let me welcome you.

This is where I am.

I was meant to be like this,

To fade away and come back in raging fire.

To sleep with my petrifying shadows and regret it the next morning.

To stay up all night screaming, “YOU CAN’T DO THIS!”

And accomplish the mission the very next day.

I was meant to live, eat, breathe, feel, and drown in my thoughts,

But learn that they were never my own to begin with.

To love a few beasts and be immersed in their tragic and unfortunate ways.

To wake up and expect something new,

But to crash and burn several times, repeatedly.

I was meant to go back to my favorite devil and let him devour my heart out once more.

To let the flame go out for several months and feel nothing.

I was meant to take advantage of a few angels, eat their hearts out as well,

To feel the gruesome wrath of my wrongful doings.

To let karma be my enemy for years on end and not knowing why.

To fall apart, find all the pieces, and put me back together.

I was intended to resurrect and determine,

That I was meant to strip naked with writing,

To feel foreplay with words,

To moan & scream in pleasure with rhymes,

To feel lethargic after every piece I have finished

To feel butterflies every time I scrutinized at another soul’s heart and inscribed blood through their work.

I was meant to be like this.

Cover me

Free write?… for Turbulence by The Working Title.

Baby, cover me.

Cover me tonight,

Don’t go out on that flight

Wrap your arms around me, hold me tight.

I’ve been thinking too much lately

And I’ve been longing for you greatly

I don’t want to get out of bed unless you’re here.

Can’t you see? You mean everything in my world dear,

Can we lay under the stars?

As you tell me stories about the many lives that you’ve had so far

And tell me I’m fine, when my mind isn’t thinking right

I fell in love with your soul way too many times before

I just can’t seem to get away.

The light in you brightens my cluttered and dark room

You missed your flight.. I assume.

You drop your luggage on the floor and quickly say to me,

“Baby, cover me.”

I obey,

And I can’t seem to get away.

Side Keepings.

There’s a reason why I’m intimidated by my other sides

It has aided and abetted me countless of times

It sees through my lies, my cries, and even when I just want to hide

It can see the history of my enormities and hypocrisies

But always manages to discipline and get me back to my conformities.

The other side of me tends to be loud and proud without a mouth.

It despises when I’m being naive, it steps in, kills me off just so you can be deceived.

It lashes and bashes out on me when I don’t give it what it wants

She specializes in poisonous morphines

Man, you should’ve known that when you took a bite, and sampled me

She’ll lead you to the rabbit hole before you try and crack her code

There’s no point in getting out now

She pulls a gun to your head and straps you down

She won’t let you get away that easy though

Because it’s all part of her magnificent show

You scream to me for help, not knowing that I’m afraid of her as well.

Although you now know that I stand behind her,

you look back at the bruises, black eyes, and scars and realize that it wasn’t me that gave you those marks after all

You were disappointing her with your defiant facades.

Now your intimated by my multiple sides,

And I have no control like the permanent twitch that’s going on in your left eye.

Consistent waves never win.

I get why he chased you,

but he had nothing better to do

with the constant curves of my waves,

He felt like he was drowning in his old ways

My heart knows how to shield itself now

But you’re constantly throwing yours on the ground.

You’re never going to learn if you keep treating yourself

to the mouth-watering wolves that keep chasing you down.

And here he goes again,

letting you know for the billionth time he isn’t worth the crimes

Or a belly full of lies

And you sacrificed your soul to make him feel whole.

I don’t miss the sleepless nights waiting for your texts to bring in the light.

I don’t miss the bickering fights where I would lose my temper

Making me do sick and twisted things I wish I didn’t remember.

You’re drinking yourself down at a local bar

Hoping to forget the consequences karma has offered you so far

You never see yourself at fault

you blame your victims for your distraught

I don’t miss the times where you made me feel empty

Like a rusty truck blinking for gasoline

But I woke up one day asking, “Why are you so fucking mean to me?”

As the thought of that question processed my mind

I knew that it was ME torturing MYSELF this whole time

And that’s when I knew I didn’t have love for myself

‘Cus I kept walking up to the mouth-watering wolves

The bites left me distorted

But I’m glad I came this far

No wolf ever comes my way anymore

Because when I became the ocean,

they’ve been frightened to drown in their hell-rotting emotions.

I love myself, and the treacherous waves I make.

It keeps me sane, as they scurry out of my way.

Writersblocknum5

Writers block will always be the death of me. It’s irritating, like the raging sting you’d get when that stinkin’ migraine comes on and it’s vigorous, or that aching throat feeling you’d get before you drown your eyes in the water that makes you, you; after hearing horrific news..

Writing makes me, me.

When it comes to not having a spark to not create anything with words to touch the human soul it’s irritating.

It isn’t a hysteria type of way, but I’m infatuated with creating characters for the voices running and completing laps in my head.

I hope you enjoy.