Brainstorming ideas pt. 1

It’s 2 am again,

And here you go forcing it

Telling me dreams that you wanna pursue

But I know that career isn’t right for you.

Ignoring me, ‘cus all you wanna hear is you.

You love to hear yourself talk

Trying to score in all your luck,

Put it in your mouth and bury it

Or see if you can find a way to carry it

Can’t you see?

You have to make peace

This died a long time ago.

You talk about the world being so blind

But you can’t see,

You can’t see the lies behind your own eyes,

the lies that are fighting in your mind.

Hoping you’d be right, this whole time.

One day, I’ll regret this

I hope you find comfort when your head is in between her thighs.

I hope she doesn’t get angry because you forgot to send her a fucking text.

I hope you find comfort in her when she deals with your distinctive bad habits, better than I could.

I hope when she invites you over, it’s because she misses you and not because she’s lonely.

I hope when she says the words, “I love you” you can feel it undoubtedly and it brings music to your ears.

I hope you find peace with her perfect smile.

I hope she doesn’t suck her teeth, or roll her eyes whenever you’ve had a rough day like I used to.

I hope when she touches you, it’s a gentle rub so you can feel her warmth whenever you are shivering with your bottom-of-the-barrel freezing thoughts.

I hope she isn’t as jealous or possessive as me.

I hope her words don’t slice you open in half when she’s mad, the way I used to without thinking.

I hope she finds your jokes funny, because I couldn’t.

I hope she can calm you down during your break downs, because I never could.

I just hope…

End game

I’m thinking,

Ruminating about someone,

Someone who makes me fumble…

Stumble over my words.

Someone who makes me rationalize,

Rationalize eight times and once more about the choices I make.

He gets infuriated,

Enraged with every poor,

unfortunate,

negligent decision I make.

With a voice that can sting your eyes,

he says, “I want more for you, more than what I want for myself”

He knows I’ll destroy him, like I do with myself constantly, willingly.

He’s tried everything, to keep me sane.

But he has no more moves left,

he doesn’t want this game of misery to end.

His mother didn’t teach him well, I suppose.

To teach him,

When he’s all alone at night,

Stressing over whether to take the flight or stand there and take the fight,

When his hands are cold, trembling

When he is over analyzing the words to send to my screen,

When his insides are screaming with anger to get out,

When he dives in a deep sea of hopelessness

To walk away, to leave, because the game is over.

She should’ve taught him better.

Stand by

If I can tell you,

I can wait.

My neighbor, Patience keeps me warm.

Throughout the nights of soundless sleeps,

I dream of you

Throughout the nights of where sleep is no where to be found, seeming to be at a far distance,

I think of you.

Patience, my friend.

Patience, my sibling.

And patience, my sweet lover.

You’d soon be adored for things you feel aren’t too bright of you, the devil of you, and the flaws you have believed you acquired.

Patience, will soon be your nature, your neighbor.

Accelerated thoughts

Shoulders bent,

Looking up at the moon,

I’m hoping that we’ll meet soon.

I wonder what you’re like,

To experience life in your eyes.

Will we fly high like kites?

Or will we fight each other like knights?

Single combat, making contact.

It’s too early to tell.

I can’t walk away.

….

As I wake up the next day,

I find myself running away.

because the world is not what it seems.

Just look out, take a leap.

Will I ever find my way?

I just wanted to hear you say, “You’re mine to take.”

….

Life is somewhere else,

It’s not here.

Too many disappointments, I’m not satisfied.

Will I ever be?

The Sun of God, yelled at me,

Shining so bright, within its light.

Asking me, “why am I thinking like this?!”

It goes away,

These rotten thoughts come back again,

Trying to dodge each and every one of them.

And I don’t want the world to cry, but they see the truth behind the lies.

Alice

How do I describe,

I’ve seen a vibrant red rose bloom before my eyes?

Without you thinking, “Is she mad?!”

Where laughs felt like echoes, never ending.

I’ve tasted colors, I’ve seen sounds.

The clouds were moving at my own pace,

At my mind’s eye.

My interior became my exterior.

Anything I wanted to project out, became “real” in my own reality,

in its own presence.

My world was swirling-

Swirling with its existence.

Mouths weren’t moving,

but I heard every thought.

Sitting on the ground,

looking down at my hands, distorted.

I reach towards the sand on the ground.

Feeling my hands sinking within it.

This memory can’t ever fade.

How do I explain,

the universe only belongs to me,

And it only belongs to you too?

There’s only one way,

Can you take this trip with me instead?

Writer’s block – Death

I’m sitting against this frosty wall,

Hands are touching my heated head,

Hoping I get to see you live past 28,

It’s stressful, isn’t it?

We’re made to worry about every entitled bullshit in our lives,

put it on a pedal stool, why don’t you?

But will we ever learn our lesson?

The lesson to not give it the time of day

or the lonely dusk.

Will we repeat the cycle of life till we do?

Or will we die with it too?